A new radio contest could bring pop star Colbie Caillat to your backyard for a summer barbecue. Depending on your particular backyard, that may or may not be a good thing.
Listen to Mix 104.1 all Memorial Day weekend for your shot to win tickets to the Gavin DeGraw/Colbie Caillat show on July 25 at the Bank of America Pavilion. Everyone who wins tickets will qualify for a shot at the grand prize — a Backyard BBQ with Colbie at their house when she comes to town in July!
— Mix 104.1 website
Hi Ms. Caillat … er, can I call you Colbie? That’s a really interesting name. Is that short for Colbert? No? I had a friend in elementary school named Corbin, but we just called him Corbin. Anyway, thanks for coming here to my backyard and everything.
Sorry I didn’t get a chance to mow the lawn, but it rained for the last few days and I had to work late, and last weekend was just crazy with driving the kids around and napping and such. But as you can see I put these old comforters out for us to eat on and they sort of smush the grass down. Don’t worry, it’s been weeks since we’ve seen a snake … although that’s probably just because the grass is so high.
That smell? Oh, that’s just the grill. I tried to scrape all the black stuff off but darn it if it doesn’t seem just calcified on there at this point. You’ll notice how certain areas of the grill look like they’re on fire and others get no flame at all — weird! Anyway, it shouldn’t affect the hot dogs … I defrosted them a few weeks ago, but hot dogs never really go bad, right?
So I hear you’re a singer? To be honest I haven’t heard any of your songs … I just entered the contest to get the Gavin DeGraw tickets. And even with those it turns out I was actually thinking of Gavin MacLeod. You wouldn’t know it necessarily but he has a wonderful voice — I saw him in a dinner theater production of “Annie Get Your Gun” in the early ’90s.
Come on, Gavin McLeod? From Mary Tyler Moore? I think I have the Chuckles the Clown episode on VHS if you want to borrow it. VHS — it was a video format. How old are you, anyway?
Did you bring your suit? We just got around to opening the pool last week. I know it looks green, but chemically it’s perfect, almost. If you go in it would be great if you could bring the strainer thing in there and scoop out some of the leaves. No? That’s OK, the dogs are in there now anyway. They love a good swim, but they need some help getting up and down the ladder.
Jeez, is Bob using the chainsaw again? Sorry, that’s just my neighbor … BOB! STOP USING THE DARN CHAINSAW! I’VE GOT COLBERT CAILLAT OVER HERE FOR A BARBECUE! NO, NOT THE DEFENSIVE END FOR THE CARDINALS — THE SINGER! NO, I NEVER HEARD OF HER EITHER.
Sorry about that … Can I get you something to drink? A lemon-lime soda maybe? It’s the Market Basket brand, but it’s just as good as Sprite, almost. Not as good as those Grand Union sodas with the penguins on them that they used to sell in the ’70s, though. The ’70s — it was a decade. Came before the ’80s. How old are you, again?
Watch out, the dogs are coming out of the pool! Yikes, dogs, do you have to shake off right here? Sorry about your boots, Corbin … Are those suede? You probably shouldn’t be getting those wet like that.
Oh, you have to leave already? Well, glad you could come by … No, you have to pull up to open the gate … no, UP. Then pull the thing back — that’s right. Wow, I’ve never seen anyone get in their car so fast.
DON’T FORGET TO MAKE A LEFT AT THE VFW TO GET BACK TO THE HIGHWAY! GOOD LUCK WITH THE CONCERT! TELL GAVIN HE WAS AWESOME IN THE LOVE BOAT!
Peter Chianca is editor in chief for GateHouse Media New England’s north-of-Boston newspapers and websites. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/pchianca.