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Outtakes: How do Santa and reindeer fly?

Frank Weaver Jr.
Suburbanite correspondent

Part 3

Not everyone can climb up and down chimneys like Santa Claus can. Even carrying a full sack full of toys. And not every reindeer can fly like his nine reindeer and sleigh can. Oh, perhaps some thin chimney sweepers who are friends with Mary Poppins or Peter Pan; even a fairy, an elf or maybe two are able to perform that magical feat. But that's about all.

Frank Weaver Jr.

So how does Santa do it? And how do his reindeer and sleigh land and take off from slippery roofs using such a short area of landing space?

The first thing you must understand is that Santa is very small. That's why he's so hard to see. He's actually smaller than most of the good lil' girls and boys he visits. Understand now, I'm not talking about the shopping mall Santas you see every year who are out and about jingling their bells for donations to help the less fortunate. No. I'm talking about the real Santa Claus.

Actually, Santa, himself, is a jolly ol' elf, which is why he's so hard to see. But we know he comes every Christmas Eve and leaves toys for good lil' girls and boys. How else do you explain all those toys and other gifts under the tree?

Of course it also has a lot to do with the magic of Christmas. While almost all adults agree there is magic in the holidays, plenty of magic when good li'l girls and boys are included, there are some of the older folks who are embarrassed to admit they still believe and instead, call it the Spirit of Christmas. It's the same thing, kids; just a different name.

The next thing you need to know is that Santa uses a special kind of dust; a glittering, twinkling, type of dust. It's such a fine kind of dust that our eyes are not able to see it, even when it's heaped in our hands, but Santa's eyes can see it. Regardless, it doesn't matter. Just because we can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. We know it's there because it's used to get up and down chimneys in a fraction of a nanosecond.

Look at it this way, kids. We can hear wind, but we can't see it. Yet we know it's there. We can feel the cold air but we can't see it. Yet we know that's there. We can smell our mom's Christmas cookies baking, but we can't see the scent nor see the soft, warm, delicious taste. Yet as soon as we walk into her kitchen, we can smell them and with that first bite we can taste them. That's how we know they're there.

That's pretty much the way Santa and his reindeer work. They use this fine glittering, twinkling, magical dust that's secretly stored in the front hooves of Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, and in the rear hooves of Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitxen. Rudolph doesn't need any. His job is to make sure he guides the special sleigh the entire night.

When they need to land, descend or ascend chimneys or take off, Santa reaches in to whichever hoof he's closest to, grabs a handful of magical dust, tosses it above his sleigh and poof, he and his reindeer are gone faster than you can blink your li'l eyes. They're off, looking for the next rooftop.

There are only two conditions where Santa won't leave gifts, kids. Number one; wherever lil' girls and boys were not good, or they said they were good but weren't. And number two; where the kids were still awake when he arrives. Instead, he puts their toys back in his sack and drops them off at another home.

It's okay to watch for him, kids, but as soon as you think you see a twinkling light high in the skies, hop back into bed, close your li'l eyes and dream warm, sweet dreams.

Next week: The Real Spirit of Christmas

Comments may be emailed to: Frankweaverjr@aol.com