COLUMNS

Outtakes Around the Lakes: More of the magic of Christmas

Frank Weaver Jr.
Suburbanite correspondent

Part 1

Grab a steaming cup of herb tea, folks. Sit back in your easy chair, help yourself to some holiday cookies, prop your feet up on a warm, cushiony stool, turn on some soft, soothing music and relax. I write for you all year. But today, this column, and perhaps a few more, will be for the kids.

Frank Weaver Jr.

Kids, if you can't read yet, ask your dad, mom, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, cousin or friend to read this to you. Take the paper, give it to them and say, “Read it to me, please.” And remember to ask nicely and politely and always say “please.”

As you know, kids, Christmas is on its way. That means you must be on your best behavior. No pulling your sister's hair, no sticking out your tongue at the table and saying “eewww,” when you're told to eat your spinach, and no more arguing with your parents when they tell you to wear your mask and practice social distancing whenever you ask to go outside.

I'm sure there's a lot about the Christmas holiday you don't quite understand, after all, you're just a kid and haven't been around as long as some of us older folks. I know. I was once in your shoes, too. So were your mom and dad, older sisters and brothers, and anyone older than you. But now that we've seen the magic of Christmas, you're probably old enough, too. So now may be the time to share with you how all Christmas magic happens and why.

You understand I only have so much space with which to write. That means I may not be able to cover all the magic of Christmas, but I'll cover the major parts; such as why is Santa so big at the stores but still gets up and down our chimney without getting stuck, hurt or burnt. And why are there so many Santa's; especially on Christmas Eve being escorted by the sheriff and dropping off packages to good little girls and boys.

In the next few issues I'll also explain how reindeer can fly. I'll even tell you how they can still take off and fly, especially after we think they gorge themselves after every stop on all those carrots you leave them. But then you probably didn't know that the sleigh has a hidden bottom, something like a car trunk or the hauling space of a pick-up truck. That's where Santa stores those delicious carrots and feeds them to the reindeer only when he thinks they're slowing down. It's like your dad filling up the gas tank whenever you're on a trip and you're running low on fuel. If he doesn't you wouldn't be able to keep going.

And have you ever wondered how Santa's able to land his sleigh full of toys on short, steep, gabled rooftops and still have plenty of room to take off and become airborne again without crashing? So did I. That is until I learned how he does it. He's a tricky one, that bearded one is. Of course he's been doing it for more than 1,700 years, starting first in the country of Turkey when he was just a bishop. But as each Christmas came and went, he got busier and busier until he had to find larger accommodations. That's how he ended up at the North Pole.

I'll also tell you a secret not many adults know, but I do. It's about how he lands his sleigh on both northern snowy rooftops and dry ones in the warm south without removing the sleigh runners and putting on tires.

So kids, next week be sure to pick up 'The Suburbanite' and each week after that until Christmas. Once you understand magic, there won't be any doubt in your mind about the magic of Santa's Christmas.

Next week: Why all the Santa's?

Comments may be emailed to: Frankweaverjr@aol.com