The Suburbanite
  • King's View: We could all use a little Madness in our lives

  • What if we could take March Madness and incorporate it into all other aspects of our lives? That is, what if we could seed those aspects from best to worst, just like it’s done with teams in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament that’s going on now?

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  • What if we could take March Madness and incorporate it into all other aspects of our lives? That is, what if we could seed those aspects from best to worst, just like it’s done with teams in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament that’s going on now?
    Just think of the advantages that would offer, steering us toward the people and things we like and away from the ones we can do without.
    The first weekend of the tournament is over, and now just 16 teams remain. As such, let’s look at the Sweet 16 — 16 different categories — and offer one person’s opinion on the first seed and the last seed in each one, and quick scouting reports as to why:
    First seed – Steak, potato and salad. Scouting report: The Michael Jordan of cuisine for the everyman.
    Last seed – Anything having lite or reduced as a prelude to its name. Scouting report: Bring you’re A game or don’t bother showing up.
    First seed – Moose Tracks ice cream. Scouting report: Yes, it’s the triple double of calories, but it’s well worth the technical foul it does to your system.
    Last seed – Sherbet. Scouting report: The only thing worse to hit your mouth would be an opponent’s elbow.
    First seed – Those who live life as if the glass is always half-full. Scouting report: They inspire you to keep fighting back when you’re getting beat and the clock is winding down.
    Last seed – Those who think a big ego is a valuable skill set. Scouting report: As coaches like to say, “There is no ‘i’ in team, but there are two i’s in idiot.”
    First seed – Mowing the lawn. Scouting report: It’s like hitting a jump shot in that there’s immediate gratification.
    Last seed – Digging out large bushes. Scouting report — This is the equivalent of running gassers at the end of practice until you get sick to your stomach.
    First seed – Running the vacuum. Scouting report: See “Mowing the lawn.”
    Last seed – Removing pet spray from the carpet. Scouting report: See “Digging out large bushes.”
    First seed – “All in the Family.” Scouting report: Just like instant classics, its ability to make me smile is as good now as it was back in the day.
    Last seed – A bad Western movie. Scouting report : When a Tampa TV station chose to run that instead of a nationally televised Browns-New York Giants game in 1985, I was willing to purposely get a technical foul so as to get the station general manager’s attention.
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    First seed – Dogs/cats. Scouting report: Just like Duke, they
    almost always have been good.
    Last seed – Poisonous snakes. Scouting report: They’re like playing Duke in the first round in that you know you’re going to get killed sooner or later.
    First seed – My 1972 green Plymouth Valiant. Scouting report: Like a star player carries his team to the title, I knew I could always count on it to get me wherever I needed to go.
    Last seed – My uncle’s 1965 Ford Galaxie. Scouting report: It was like a point guard who can’t dribble in that you knew it was never going to start.
    First seed – A movie and dinner. Scouting report: Like making foul shots and playing good defense, its value has not been reduced with the passage of time.
    Last seed – Poor service at a restaurant. Scouting report: It pops your balloon of enthusiasm like hitting the winning shot but being called for standing out of bounds when you did it.
    First seed – Going to the beach. Scouting report: This is the player who can dribble, pass, shoot, rebound, play defense and be a leader – he has something for everybody.
    Last seed – Going to the beach and it’s cold and rainy the whole time. Scouting report: Think of your best player getting hurt in the opening seconds and being unavailable for the rest of the game.
    First seed – Summer. Scouting report: It’s everybody’s MVP.
    Last seed – Winter. Scouting report: Like Sunday practices before Monday night games, it’s a necessary evil.
    First seed – “Field of Dreams.” Scouting report: The best, like UCLA’s dynasty of the mid-1960s to early ’70s.
    Last seed – “Americathon.” Scouting report: So bad I left at halftime.
    First seed – Thanksgiving. Scouting report: Food and football, a winning combination.
    Last seed – New Year’s Day. Scouting report: It’s the end of the holiday season and the start of a long, hard portion of the year.
    First seed – Tom Hanks/ Meryl Streep. Scouting report: With their versatility, they can play every position on the floor and play it well.
    Last seed – Stars of gore movies. Scouting report: If you can simply bleed and read, you’re hired.
    First seed – Ohio. Scouting report: It’s an unsung hero.
    Last seed – Florida. Scouting report: Overrated.
    First seed – Motown. Scouting report: It’s fun and lively, like the Final Four.
    Last seed – Songs with vulgar, degrading lyrics. Scouting report: Like coaches who try to coach the officials instead of their players, they have no place in the game.

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