But while weird news was going on around the country, Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius wasn't monkeying around. She may have a new job by the end of the month.


 

Everyone loves news that is strange but true.

One of the unwritten rules of journalism is "When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens all the time. But if a man bites a dog, that's news."

Following that logic, when a 200-pound chimpanzee that used to act in Old Navy and McDonalds commercials bites the face off of a woman it must be some of the biggest news of the week.

But when you consider that a big fat chimp trying to eat a woman alive isn't the weirdest part of the story, you know you're onto something big.

Apparently, the chimp's owner has been through some tough times in the last several years with the untimely deaths of her husband and her daughter.

She replaced that lost affection with her pet chimp.

She allegedly routinely cuddled with the primate and even enjoyed dinners of lobster tail and steak with the animal and sipped wine with him.

The animal also reportedly had Xanax in its system when it had to be shot to end the rampage.

Fans of weird news were well-served this week.

But while weird news was going on around the country, Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius wasn't monkeying around.

She may have a new job by the end of the month.

Rumors and reports say that she has been named the top candidate to fill the position of secretary of Health and Human Services. After Tom Daschle failed to pay more in taxes than most people make in a year, President Barack Obama needed a second choice to fill the position.

The decision for Sebelius should be easy. As her term in the governor's office comes to an end, she is faced with few choices for satisfactory future employment.

She could always take on Rep. Todd Tiahrt or Rep. Jerry Moran in a messy statewide battle for Sen. Sam Brownback's seat in 2010. But that would be a toss-up and a loss would be embarrassing for a two-term governor. The HHS post would make her a card-carrying member of the Beltway Elite, and she would also only have decisions scrutinized once or twice a year.

That has to seem like a vacation compared to dealing with a Republican-dominated state Legislature for seven years.

I can only imagine how her interview with the president went.

I'm sure Obama thanked her for her support during the campaign and told her she would be great for the job.

I am also relatively certain that the issue of her paying taxes came up. Being from Kansas, she was able to assure the president that she pays a lot of taxes.

He probably even asked her if she wore red eyeglasses. It was embarrassing enough when Daschle showed his fashionable flair, but if Sebelius tried to don the ruby red spectacles, the Sally Jesse Rafael jokes would be too easy.

The worst thing for Sebelius will be all the "Dorothy" jokes and "You're not in Kansas anymore" comments during Cabinet meetings.

The governor's aides say only that she is interested in the job, but she is focused on legislation in Kansas - including the new budget and economic problems facing the state.

I'm sure she is hoping to find a way to fund state programs in the face of declining revenues. But I would be surprised if she didn't have her fingers crossed hoping to need new business cards soon.

Augusta Gazette