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The Suburbanite
  • Charita Goshay: Doomsday might be a good diversion

  • Given the current madness, the end of the world doesn’t sound like a half-bad proposition.

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  • Given the current madness, the end of the world doesn’t sound like a half-bad proposition.
    But here’s betting $10,000 most of you still will be around after Friday. No one is going to get out of going to work, changing the litter box or skimping on Christmas with an excuse as flimsy as the Mayan Apocalypse.
    Your kid is still expecting to find that tech gadget under the tree on Tuesday morning, even if said tree is smoldering and surrounded by zombies.
    I’m thinking the only way the Cleveland Browns make the playoffs is if Armageddon actually occurs before they blow another game. Then at least we’ll know God is real and global warming is fake, because hell will have frozen over like Frostbite Falls.
    THE OMEN
    So, how did this come to be — this notion that the world will end on Dec. 21, based solely on an artifact found in a Guatemalan jungle?
    With the possible exception of misusing Cinco de Mayo as an excuse to get drunk, we’ve not been the least bit interested in Hispanic history and culture. But we now take for gospel a calendar written in a dead language and etched in stone?
    Maybe it’s the times in which we live. Life can be so overwhelming, maybe it’s a collective subconscious wish for escape by any means necessary.
    And we clearly get a kick out of scaring ourselves, from “The Omen” and ghost-chaser shows to the prophecies of Nostradamus and Edgar Cayce.
    Remember “The Bible Code, which conveniently “predicted” things after they happened? You now can get one free with every fill-up.
    ROLLING STONES
    The magazine racks at the checkout lines have long been a cornucopia of disaster, with fish wraps predicting the world’s end virtually every week.
    If their garish headlines are to be believed, when things finally do go kablooey, either Batboy or Honey Boo Boo will emerge as the Antichrist. And here you thought it would be Obama.
    It also doesn’t help when legitimate news outlets horn in on the act.
    The Washington Post reported that Toutatis, a 3-mile-long asteroid, passed by Earth last Wednesday. It was the second asteroid seen in our corner of the universe in a week’s time. A little sister between 72 and 160 feet in diameter brushed by us Nov. 11.
    Now comes word that the people who are supposed to be smart enough to figure out such things as a Mayan calendar have likely been misreading it — for 50 years.
    Maybe it’s good that loony predictions emerge every now and then, if only to distract us from our reality, which is growing more frightening than anything you could glean from an ancient calendar.
    Page 2 of 2 - These days, we could use all the diversions we can get.