We seem more obsessed with lists today than ever before. From the Top 100 Best Second Quarters in Division III College Football Playoff History to the Top 1,000 Reasons You’d Like Rush Limbaugh to Develop Laryngitis, we list everything.
We seem more obsessed with lists today than ever before.
From the Top 100 Best Second Quarters in Division III College Football Playoff History to the Top 1,000 Reasons You’d Like Rush Limbaugh to Develop Laryngitis, we list everything.
There a number of theories on this phenomenon outlined, by the way, in the Top 100 Reasons We List Everything.
But a heretofore little-known fact (there’s a Top 10 Reasons Why Not to Use the Word Heretofore in a Sentence list, incidentally) is that mankind has always been fascinated by listing stuff.
There are even prehistoric examples.
The following was discovered painted on the wall of a cave in northern France.
Top 3 Reasons Neanderthal Man is so Paleolithic Era:
Wears woolly mammoth skins out of season.
Thinks “Fire” is a song by The Ohio Players.
Keeps reinventing the wheel.
This list was translated from hieroglyphics found on the base of an Egyptian pyramid:
Top 3 Reasons Cleopatra’s a Fox:
Speaks Egyptian with a sexy Macedonian accent.
Really knows how to accessorize.
Dates all those big-shot Romans.
This list was discovered in a Benedictine Abbey in Northern Ireland. Penned in really cool handwriting, it dates back to the 13th century:
Top 3 Reasons the Dark Ages won’t last:
The sun’ll come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun.
It’s time for the Middle Ages to start.
This bubonic plague thing has been blown way out of proportion.
Then there was this document, discovered among George Washington’s personal papers.
Top 3 Reasons We Can Trust Benedict Arnold:
I like the cut of his jib.
The kid’s got moxie.
Whenever anyone mentions the British Army he rolls his eyes and says, “Ecchh!”
Finally, there’s this list, found on the field in the aftermath of the Battle of the Little Big Horn and signed by General George Armstrong Custer.
Top 3 Things to Do Once I’ve Defeated the Sioux and Cheyenne:
Learn how to ski.
Take up a second language.
Look into anger management courses.
Frank Mulligan is an editor in GateHouse Media New England’s Raynham, Mass., office, and can be reached at email@example.com.