I feel so sick and I don’t like it one bit. Queasiness that doesn’t go away, a ball of lead feeling like it’s pushing my stomach into my throat, arms too tired to pick up a glass without aching and a heavy haze that’s calling me back to bed. "Yuck" is too mild of a word.

I feel so sick and I don’t like it one bit. Queasiness that doesn’t go away, a ball of lead feeling like it’s pushing my stomach into my throat, arms too tired to pick up a glass without aching and a heavy haze that’s calling me back to bed. "Yuck" is too mild of a word.


The chemo alone is enough to make me sick, but add to that the prednisone for my chemo rash, an antifungal pill for a possible fungus in my ear, antihistamines for the allergic reaction and itching, nausea meds, vitamins plus my regular meds. It is no wonder I feel awful.  If the illness doesn’t make us sick, the treatment sure can.  There must be an easier, gentler way and I’m on a mission to find it through cutting edge, alternative approaches that complement conventional treatment.


I’m going to go to The Block Center in Chicago where the MD’s administer integrative cancer care. Yes, chemo is given, but instead of giving it at any old time, it is chronomodulated (given on a pump, timed to be in synch with cancer cells when they are more active and with the body’s natural circadian rhythms.) Side effects are lower and patients tolerate it better, so I’m told. 


They also combine diet, supplements, physical therapy, exercise and mind spirit interventions to create an environment that cancer cells can’t survive in.  It all sounds right to me and I’ve already given up sugar, refined white flour products, meat, chicken and dairy. I’m reading Dr Block’s book now, “Life Over Cancer” and I have a two day consult scheduled in a few weeks.  I’m waiting to hear what my insurance plan will cover and then I’m on my way.


In the meantime, I’m continuing weekly Reiki with the incredibly gifted Wanda McManus, in Bridgewater. Mass., who combines her intuitiveness and skill. Reiki, like acupuncture and shiatsu is energy work so that our energy flows like it should to create and maintain health. I’m fully clothed and she just lays her hands on me.  When I go to see her, I’m usually stressed and tense, but after a few minutes on the table, I’m limp and can actually feel energy flowing through me.  My right leg becomes like a conduit for anything negative that needs to be released and little painless electric jolts periodically jerk my leg.  It happens every single time, so I know the goal of getting my body’s energy to unblock is being accomplished. 


I usually fall asleep and am totally relaxed, yet energized when she’s finished.  Actually I feel as relaxed as even the best massage.  Wanda especially enjoys working with cancer patients and says that she “feels honored and blessed to help them”.  I think though, that I am one of the lucky ones who is.


Last night I had another wonderfully healing experience because my friend Kim.  She has been going to Dr Katina Manning, a Duxbury Chiropractor, and feels that she is truly a special healer. Kim felt so strongly that she could help me, that she gave me the gift of an appointment.  And I am so grateful that she did. The gist of what Dr. Manning said is that our nervous system and immune system are intertwined like sisters. 


Each jolt or trauma (physical or emotional) to our nervous system, beginning from the time we were a fetus, until present, has caused us to physically recoil and tighten, altering our body’s proper alignment and impairing nervous system pathways to our immune system. That’s why many of us might walk with our heads bent, our shoulders slumped, feet out or in and maybe our jaw is clenched. 


When this happens, nerves can’t travel their normal pathways and each time a nerve is blocked from functioning properly, there is a disconnection between the two systems and a physical manifestation of dis-ease results. The goal of therapy is to get the pathways to reconnect and as they do, improvements in physical symptoms occur. It all sounded logical to me, but more importantly, her explanation ‘felt’ right. And I loved her energy; she’s joyful, happy, nurturing and very confident in what she’s doing.


She started out by correcting the way I sit, stand and walk. I thought I was OK like I was but she had me stand with my jaw slack, my head tilted up, my shoulders back, my thumbs forward, my chest out and my knees slightly bent. Then she pointed out that when I’m aligned (head, neck, shoulders, hips, legs, feet) like I’m supposed to be, every part of me is centered over the other, I’m grounded and my nervous is opened and not blocked.  I asked how long I’d need to come to get my immune and nervous systems to reconnect and I think her answer was, “Oh honey, we’re going to be married for awhile”! So, Dr Katina Manning will be on my weekly schedule of healing too as she connects my systems.


You know, I think that I’m not feeling as sick as I was when I started to write this morning.  Maybe even thinking about the positive energy of healing is replacing the negative energy of illness. Katina told me to welcome all of my treatments, even chemo, and let them come in to heal me.  As she was telling me this, she sat up straight, smiled, lifted her head, opened her chest, raised her arms and let out a big soft Ahhhh breath.  And then she said “thank you”. She gave me that great visual and I’ll use it for sure to bring in healing energy.  In fact, even now, I think I’m actually sitting up straighter in my chair as I write.  I am.  Wow!


Maybe my inner guidance has something to add.


All of your experiences are leading you to the same place – back to yourself; your incredible, wonderful, human self.  You and everyone are the same – all capable of finding yourselves again – the self that was created in God’s image: The wonderful being who knows what you truly need and who has the mechanisms to harness and utilize that to its fullest.  It is no surprise that in looking for it within, you are directed to others who will help you to facilitate your finding of yourselves.  The two woman healers you wrote of, along with your friend Kim and even Maureen Hancock, who led you to Wanda, are all examples of how it works.  As we go within to our core essence of love and healing, we connect with that energy and that energy connects us with others who have found it also. It is a truly amazing facet of living and one that each of you would do well pursuing.  It is the ultimate joy of life.


Maybe this is why I feel like I’m in the best place of my life, emotionally and spiritually, ever. It is so amazing that in spite of dealing with recurrent lung cancer, I still feel so much love coming and going  – over and over and over.  It just keeps increasing as I follow this journey and it is absolutely, positively awesome.  Who knew that an awful illness could make me so well in this way?  Thank you God.